An Unexpected Gift of Midlife...

On stumbling across something this introverted soul craved for a lifetime!

There’s a pervasive myth about mid-life being middling that has long inspired me to prove it wrong.

The idea that as humans, we have a sell-by date that arrives as soon as the sagging bits show up, used to drive me bonkers. Now, however, I’ve learned how magical this time is. In ways that go a long way towards off-setting the feels I get when I look in the mirror and my reflection looks so much older than I imagine!

I unceremoniously launched into the awareness I’d reached midlife not long after my hysterectomy aged 42.

Left with one ovary that soon decided it was too hard to do the work of two all by itself, my menopause arrived soon afterwards, bringing all manner of premature and undesirable changes to my body and mind.

Feeling the frustration of still being young, yet with a system suddenly ageing, I wrote a post reframing my thoughts that never saw the light of day. It stayed hidden in the recesses of my computer until I read a wonderful post from Musings on The Mundane which inspired me to add my thoughts to the conversation.

I hope that if you ever feel dismissed, overlooked, unseen, invisible or downright frustrated with your body/mind/life, this post restores your faith in yourself and this magical life stage.

The Gift of the Pesky Myth

Rather than waste your precious time, energy and attention fighting with society or others about the belief that once you reach midlife you are DOOMED, what if you saw this misplaced belief as a gift?

Because whilst this viewpoint is erroneous, dismissive and annoying, the fact it is held by so many in western society as incontrovertible fact, can magically set you free. 

When you are a woman of a certain age, you no longer have to worry about how you show up. People tend not to notice you as much, or consider you a person of consequence, leaving you free to start doing life your way. Being under-estimated releases you from the pressure of having to look and act a certain way, so you can operate by stealth.

For me, the unexpected gift of being unseen has meant I get to fly under the radar.

I can subtly weave my hippy magic and sprinkle my life-earned wisdom wherever I feel it may be useful, without anyone judging me.

I’ve become unapologetic about how I choose to show up… or not, quietly empowering myself through small conscious acts of saying yes only when it’s a HELL YES and living life according to my senses (not shoulds).

Embracing the Unembracable

Released from a lifelong habit of people-pleasing, looking my best and forcing my introvert to try and fit in has set me free to be me. I may not like what is reflected back at me in the mirror, but somehow I no longer care what other people think or see.

I share this with the realisation that in many ways I am incredibly privileged.

Life has dealt me a hand which means the only person I have to worry about most of the time right now is me. Learning to live alone has definitely played a part in me quietly and unashamedly stepping into my own magical portal of power without anyone noticing, however, this process started long before the end of my marriage.

It’s one of the rare gifts my female ancestors probably didn’t get to discover in their lifetime. Which is one of the reasons I’m embracing, celebrating and now sharing it with you.

Being Underestimated is Not for Everyone.

Many will rally against it, using their ego, life force or passion to fight popular opinion and prove otherwise.

I salute those individuals because they change paradigms in their way. As a woman today, I wouldn’t have half the rights I do without those who fought for women’s rights before me. Whilst we have a long way to go as a collective, society can only evolve when people show up as who they came here to be, unapologetically.

Which is why I am unapologetic about the fact that this path is not for me. 

I am a lover, not a fighter.

So rather than fight with what I cannot control, I’ve welcomed this midlife misconception with quiet glee. It’s given me the freedom to play, create, experiment and explore. Freedom to mess up without others noticing or paying attention.

Being underestimated has given me permission to gently and quietly change my entire life, belief system and way of being without anyone making a song or dance about it. Gentle empowerment that I now get to ripple out to others in my uniquely, quiet way.

Freeing Younger Me

Being able to fly under the radar is the gift I wish I’d had during my tender younger years.

As a sensitive empath, without the internet to explain that I wasn’t broken, or alone in my natural way of being, I hid behind all manner of disguises that disengaged me from myself… losing who I truly was in the process. Now, years later, the gifts of midlife are palpable for me, even though I’m still learning how to live in this more honest way every single day.

As I return lovingly and slowly to the woman I came here to be, I know that I am setting the shadows of my younger self free. That kind of inner peace cannot be bought and so this post is a loving reminder from my soul to yours, to choose your battles wisely. 

May you pause before you fight back at those who would downplay you and remember that they have no idea of your rich inner world or your true power. On days when you’re fed up with feeling unseen and unheard, switch your focus to the fact that this time is magical, rich in potential and liberating.

Wrinkles or no wrinkles 😉

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This has been a soul share from me, Helen Grace. I welcome your thoughts and experiences as we learn how to do this thing called midlife together (no shoulds. Obvs)