Loving, Losing, Learning

The Bittersweet Symphony of Life

Greetings, beautiful soul! Welcome to this serene corner, carefully crafted by Love and her faithful companion, Grace.

Today, I invite you on a journey through later-life love, loss, and growth as I share a difficult chapter of my life. It's still fresh, but rather than lingering in the Pit of Processing for months years as usual, I feel it's time to embrace vulnerability and honour my ethos of "Doing Life (Neuro)Differently." No more hiding, no more masks. I have nothing to be ashamed of… I finally know that now.

May my words touch your heart and remind you that you are not alone and are enough, exactly as you are. If, like me, you struggle with rejection sensitivity or letting go of emotional pain, I understand, and I am here to gently encourage and champion you—flaws and all.

And so, it begins...

Loving

The taste of rich, dark chocolate lingers on my lips. As I savour the sensation, I’m momentarily transported.

It’s a chilly, dark day at the end of March. Tucked away in a cosy corner of a quiet country pub, freshly made brownies tempt me from their Tupperware home on the oak table. Warmth radiates from my heart as gratitude slowly fills me.

Two days have passed since my birthday. I glance up and meet his eyes, a familiar friend with a newfound connection. We’ve been friends for ages, yet this is our first one-to-one lunch. My nerves settle as we share a moment of understanding—a silent bond.

He remembered.

He remembered my birthday. He remembered my love for brownies. He baked brownies, and that simple gesture speaks volumes. Surprise intertwines with delight as I take a slow breath. I needn’t have worried about feeling awkward. This lunch will be alright.

The bittersweet taste of salt dances on my tongue. I lick my lips in response, and I'm momentarily transported.

It’s a breezy, sunny day at the end of March. One year since that lunch left an indelible mark on my typically forgetful mind. I huddle into a foetal ball, wrapped in a soft grey blanket on my bedroom floor. Memories of freshly baked brownies trigger a pang in my heart. I sigh as despair washes through my body.

Two days have passed since my birthday. I gaze blankly at the ceiling, the sky outside a cruel contrast to my inner storm. Salty tears trace the contours of my cheeks. My heart races as fears of a long, lonely future consume me.

He promised.

He promised it would be okay. He promised not to hurt me. He said he was in love with me. Regret intertwines with heartache as I take a deep breath. I was right to fear falling too hard, too soon. This time will be soul-crushing.

The intoxicating aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafts through the air. As my eyes alight on the mug's delicately painted petals, I'm momentarily transported.

It’s a calm, warm day at the end of May. Squatting alongside a sunlit section of the cathedral pathway wall, silky-soft rose petals captivate me as they dance like a ballerina lost in the moment. Joy ripples through my soul as awe arises.

Weeks have passed since those pivotal March moments. I glance around and exhale softly. The magic of nature embraces me, reminding me that love always finds a way. I close my eyes, feeling anger dissolve into acceptance as the pain of being unchosen gently melts away.

He taught me.

He taught me it's okay to be vulnerable. He taught me to appreciate the value of authentic, deep, passionate connections—even fleeting ones. Strength intertwines with softness as I take a slow breath. I didn't need to worry about staying heartbroken forever. This tumultuous time has been profoundly healing.

“It was when I stopped searching for home within others and lifted the foundations of home within myself I found there were no roots more intimate than those between a mind and body that have decided to be whole.”

~ Rupi Kaur ~

So what’s next for me?

As a new chapter begins, I follow my heart's desires and the call of my soul. I find solace in knowing I was brave enough to confront my fears and open up to love later in life. Like a rosebud blossoming in spring, I flourished in ways I never knew I could… a story for another day.

I am grateful for the grace I see in myself and the bittersweet memories that guided me back to wholeness and self-acceptance. Despite struggling to let go of hurt and process confusing situations, I embrace my neurosparkly sensitivity. It does not diminish my worth or detract from my lovability.

Life brings pain but also joy. Losing love can help us find ourselves. As long as we keep learning from life, we are truly living. If we stumble when life throws us off balance, it doesn't mean we've failed; it means we're human, just like a toddler learning to walk.

No matter how long it takes to learn life's lessons or how deftly we dance with them, we are always enough, exactly as we are.

An Invitation...

At the end of this journey, I'm curious to know if you also struggle with rejection sensitivity. Would you like to find peace with it and learn more about it, or have you grown because of it rather than despite it?

I invite you to join the conversation and share your own reflections, experiences, or recommendations in the comments below; you never know whose heart you might touch through your words. Together, we can create a supportive community that uplifts and learns from one another, embracing our sensitivity and celebrating our authentic, quirky selves.

Thanks for reading, lovely soul. May you always embrace your enoughness.

Until next time, go gently and give yourself grace,