On Letting Go... Part 2
The poem that started an avalanche of ideas
Sometimes what emerges from my subconscious astounds me…
How about you?!
On my 52nd birthday last year, I gifted myself a writing and meditation workshop with the wonderful Lottie Angell at the Hamblin Centre, a beautiful venue tucked away near Chichester in West Sussex. A space where books are written, souls are soothed and bodies get to breathe.
My gift was carefully chosen.
Having spent my 50th birthday mostly solo and miserable, because it was two days after the first lockdown, my 51st at work then alone (because I knew barely anyone in my new town!), last year I was absolutely determined to Do Life Differently.
And so, I decided to dedicate my birthday to doing what I love and honouring the thing I can’t NOT do; writing.
The workshop had a profound impact on me. Not only did I find the perfect venue for future Qoya classes and meet the wonderful Glo, who organises events for Hamblin Trust, but I also found myself accessing something unexpected.
By combining guided visualisation with short-timed writing sessions, thanks to Lottie’s careful, compassionate space-holding, I began downloading whole pieces of poetry.
One of those poems is below… it seems my subconscious had a LOT to tell me!
On Letting Go
I’m ready to let go of playing small, hiding out, pretending I have it all sorted. Worrying about what I can’t control, trying to mind read for others, taking responsibility and apologising when there is no need. I’m ready to let go of judgement, surprising and unsubstantiated thoughts and nonsense. Not enoughness, doubt, direct suppression of my voice, my stance, unique to me flavour and inner soul dance. I’m ready to let go of perceived limitations, expectations, doubts and dreams that may not be mine in the first place. Giving a crap about what others may or may not think or feel. Suppressing the writer within, censoring, disguising and blaming. I’m ready to let go of all that no longer serves and supports me and is not mine to control or cajole. Unsubstantiated thoughts, not-enoughness and nonsense. All aspects of the daily dance with the inner characters who would have dominion over my world. I will not dance with them anymore unless they have something useful to offer. I know they will play, they will coax, they will call. And I will do my best to respond with love, or not at all. I know they mean no harm and yet their insidious threat is like Death to the Dreams of a woman who once built her life around silence. No more will I fret, no more will I forget To celebrate, honour and cherish the thoughts that offer kindness, compassion and love... instead of the critical voices who claim to be from above. There will be no more suppression. No more dumbing down, acquiescing. I will not fight with the voice that claims to know it all. And neither will I allow the beliefs she sows to fester like weeds brought in by the breeze with nothing to offer but regret... And the quiet, yet powerful deletion and compression of soul truths. This is my time. I shall no longer stand by. I have wisdom and wonder and words to say. And I will sing my unique soul song every damn day with unedited, joyful abandon. Thank you, inner critic, for showing me why my words matter. For in your threats, I finally see there is something vital and powerful to protect. You have become undone in your cunning plan to keep us stuck in safety. I’ve grown through your guidance. Outgrown your comfort zone warnings. I stand tall. I release it all. I trust the call. I will not fall. And so it is. And so it shall be. Om Namo Narayani.
With deep love and gratitude to Lottie, for the seeds she’s sown in my writer soul 😍
This poem appears in my upcoming book, The Midlife Awakening.
The book shares downloaded words for women walking the midlife path intertwined with life-liberating lessons I discovered on the journey home to myself, after everything I knew fell away in 2019.
It will be published by Unbound Press in 2023.
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And so it is. And so it is. And so it is!!! Oh my, Helen...I don't have words, but I FEEL it 💖💖💖
What a beautiful awakening. What a beautiful way to honour your birth day, or in this case, perhaps a rebirth day. And I truly wish I still lived down south. I'd be there in a heartbeat!